Why Does Love Always Look Like A Scene From Dexter

Babies learn what they are taught.  Sometimes it's good.  Sometimes, not.  This is why some puppies can learn to sit when they are only a few weeks old, and others are content with just laying around, eating their own poop.  Most of us don't have to see a therapist to figure out which puppy we were. We know. Between the stench of decades-long disappointments and the inescapable feeling that, in relationships, we are what we eat...we know. Now here's the thing...no one likes it when they are the poop-eating puppy, but once you realize that's what you were taught, it's much easier to not feel so badly about it. You can stop the bullshit and start learning how to act like a functional human being.

It's much worse to pretend that you aren't a poop-eating puppy (if you are) and, instead, continuing to pretend that you are a puppy who knows how to sit (if you aren't). Cause then you just bumble around, throwing yourself into situations that require you to sit, but, because you refused to recognize this deficit, you just end up lolling about and trying to look impressive, while you clumsily try to fob off your ability to take in shit, as a social skill.

...which never works. And you end up alone...again. Licking it off...again. Which then makes you one pissed off, lonely fucker who is sick of eating shit...again.

When a person doesn't understand how something works, it makes them feel confused.  And when most people (especially men) feel confused about something, especially something emotional, it makes them a little pissed off.  I don't know why.  But here is the thing...learning about 'love' is just like learning about anything else...fixing a car, learning to read, whatever...it's a skill.  It isn't magic, or just for the lucky, or just for the rich.  If you are the poop-eating puppy then, at the very least, just start doing the opposite.  Of everything.  You may not learn how to sit, but at least you won't be eating any more shit, and that's a start.

But this time is going to be different.  Why?  Because I say so...

And I am thin.  And rich.  And well-balanced.  A girl can dream, can't she?  Wishing something to be a certain way, doesn't make it so unless you are Dorothy and you own some fancy red shoes.  But that's OK.  I don't have to know Taekwondo to stop a burglar from breaking into my home, if I have have a home security system...or a gun...or both...

First you have to do some 'risk assessment'.  When navigating the streets of love, would you say you are as capable as 'a choir boy in downtown LA at midnight' or closer to 'Clint Eastwood on Main St. at high noon'? You may want to be Clint Eastwood (or do Clint Eastwood, I mean, who wouldn't), but if the reality about who you are when it comes to your ability to properly navigate down Love St. is actually closer to someone who could easily be Opie's 'best bud'...well, you might need to prepare your defenses in advance. 

Now don't confuse 'defenses' with 'defensiveness'...there's a difference.  One is 'appropriate boundaries', the other is 'a knee-jerk reaction to being scared that is meant to give you some space but usually just ends up making you look like an asshole'.